Books on personal development, yoga, body exercises leading to better physical and mental balance, curiosity about astrology, the divinatory arts, alchemy, the symbolism of the Tarot... all of these things can attract you. This is normal.
A kind of nostalgia invades the soul searching for meaning. The Martinist Order helps one find one's own path to another form of life. Toward transcendence (the Other); to realize that the means to do so are within us. They are to be nurtured in the here and now of our daily lives, as the individual progresses in knowledge (which is not cerebral but can approach a form of gnosis).